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Thursday, October 11, 2012

25.

oh hello there, hi there.

I'm here for my bi-weekly apperance. 
Over the weekend I turned the big 2-5. I'm still recovering from the sadness it brings my heart.
I am currently FIVE years from THIRTY. 
holy. shit.

I make it a point every year to write myself a quick letter reflecting on that age I'm leaving and over the weekend I did just that. I grew up a lot in this past year and experienced a lot.

So, here is letter #24 for you..

24.

It’s hard to believe that I’m 25. It hurt my soul a little to type out the number 25, and I now need a shot of something to take the edge off. I kid, kind of. I literally feel like I was turning 16 two years ago and driving on my own for the first time, becoming 18 and buying a pack of cigs and graduating high school feels like a year ago, and turning 21 and bar hopping seven days a week with my friends {fine, I did that 18-20, too} seems like a month ago.
                  Now, calm down, I know 25 is not THAT old. In my head I still imagine my friends and I all  chugging bottles of boones farm by the fire after a football game, and in reality that is donezo. It hit me a few weekends ago when I was at one of my best friends sons 1st birthday parties. We aren’t exactly young anymore, we are celebrating babies parties, and I looked around at my other friends and their babies. We aren’t those young, careless, idiotic 18 year olds anymore. We are 24, entering 25. Holy shit. Then it hit me, I’m having a really hard time accepting that I’m turning 25.
                  I guess maybe it’s because 24 and I didn’t exactly see eye to eye on some things, but then again, some really great things happened at 24. I graduated college {still praising jesus on that one}, I started to fully support myself 100% financially. Don’t get my wrong I’ve been paying for all of my bills since I was 16, but the hair cuts, and mani/pedis, and trips to Kroger with Mama Stoker are no more, and too be honest, it feels really good to support myself. I live paycheck to paycheck and some days have maybe twenty bucks to my name, but I love it.
Maybe I am approaching 25 in a different light because I feel like at 24 I had to grow up, and grow up a lot. I got my heart broken and my world flipped upside down. I didn’t just lose a boyfriend I lost a best friend in that relationship as well, and when I stopped and thought about it I think that was the hardest part in all of it. My grandma was diagnosed with alzheimer’s, and seeing your perfectly healthy grandma going from fine to not being able to remember a conversation you had thirty seconds ago is beyond sad. When I stop and think about it maybe 24 didn’t happen, maybe life just happened and 24 just happened to be the age when it hit me. According to the life plan I made when I was 16, not one thing happened in 24 that I had planned. But, such is life right?
I’m scared and excited to see what 25 brings. I hope it brings happiness, love, and good fortune. But, that’s what everyone wishes for right? Most importantly I hope 25 brings me that drive that I leave 24 with, and that determination to not keep settling for ok, but to keep striving for great. From April until now, I have done everything in my power to become a better person in every area possible and I think I have improved a lot. But, there is always room for improvement and I want to keep on improving.
                  I want to find that great love in a man that everyone wants. I mean, 25 isn’t exactly 20. I’m slowly, but surely slipping out of prime. I gotta hurry up find a man, and lock him down before these wrinkles set in too deep. {Glad to see a flare for the dramatics didn’t leave at all.}
                  Overall, I would give 24 a sold C performance. It wasn’t outstanding, wasn’t terrible. As terrified as I was about turning 25 and becoming an old hag, I’m also excited in a way too. If I became this much of an adult at 24, what will happen in the next 365 days?

xoxo.
kels
             

1 comment:

  1. You sound just like me. 24 has NOT been my year, but facing 25 is scaring the HELL outta me!! And as for finding a man....please find 2 and send one my way thanks.
    Seriously I was reading this and agreeing with every part (down to the broken heart at 24 part). My oh My 25 WILL be our year!!!

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